Raising Feminists

This post is co-authored by my very good friend Colleen, who like myself, is working hard to parent our children in a thoughtful manner while trying to find age appropriate ways to teach them the importance of equality. She has two daughters and I have two sons, and we are raising them in a world where there is gender judgement on both sides of the aisle. I want my boys to know that believing in equality and women’s rights does not make them less of a man, while my friend wants her daughters to embrace their strength, intelligence and female empowerment. 

Raising Feminist Sons (Kate)

My husband and I are raising two sons. At this point in their lives, they have no idea that their gender may allow them to go through life unaware of the struggle for equality of so many women. At the same time, I want them to feel secure enough in their masculinity to embrace and fight for equal rights for the women in their lives and country.

Our goal as their parents is to raise them with awareness, understanding and the responsibility to fight against the oppression of their friends, neighbors and fellow citizens. And as parents we don’t want to look back on their lives and ask “Did WE do enough?”

They have brooms and dustpans, a play kitchen and baby dolls because taking care of your home and your children is what men do alongside women. I make a conscious effort to point out when their dad does dishes and laundry and when I am going to work, because in our home we all pitch in.

They have superheroes; Batman and Thor and Spiderman, but they also have Wonder Woman, Black Widow and Batgirl because girls are superheroes too.

They love blue and gray and green but also have pink and purple toys.

We use words like “consent’ and often say “their body their rules” because when they are of dating age, I want these words and terms to be innately understood.

They are obsessed with trains, plains and automobiles, so I make sure to point out police women, female firefighters and construction workers and female pilots, because I don’t want them ever to question that a woman can’t do the same job as they. 

 It will be my job to make sure they learn the names of the incredible women who made this world a better place, as I don’t recall hearing about too many female influences in my schooling,

We are making sure the male influences in their lives are confidently outspoken about the rights of women. Their grandfather, uncles and our male friends all believe women’s rights are human rights and that doesn’t make them any less of a man.

On Jan. 21st we took them to the Women’s March in Los Angeles, to stand in solidarity and raise our voices. And it was beautiful. We have never talked politics with them, as they are too young, so we told the boys we were marching because everyone should be treated equally, and they loved it because it’s true.

I hope, when they look back on images of their young selves at their first march, I want them to remember we were parents of action, not just words. That we didn’t just lecture them on equality but we actively fought against repression. And I hope that influences them to be active members in their schools and communities and fight against inequality and injustice.

Raising Empowered Daughters (Colleen)

When I first heard about the Women’s March on Washington and the sister marches around the country I was super excited to join. Activism, feminism, community, what’s not to love? Especially as a parent of two young girls, three and a half and three months, it felt like an important, even historical, event celebrating a women’s voice.

So when a work commitment came up and my husband was no longer able to join our local march I was at a loss. The event felt monumental but without a second parent support system and crowds expected in 100,000’s I didn’t want an inspiring event to be overshadowed by logistical stress and an inability to translate overwhelming crowds and messages to my kids in real-time.  But I also didn’t want to let the day go by without somehow participating. How could I be a parent and an activist?

Since the march was off the table (this time!) I decided that what was important for me was to reinforce the idea that women are strong and capable leaders. Like everyone else, I’ve been offended by words Trump has used that don’t recognize  women as equals.  I don’t want my girls to ever be spoken to or about in a way that undermines their intelligence and misplace their value.  Since boys vs girls is all the talk at preschool these days focusing on women as leaders felt like the right place to start. 

A quick google search brought up a number of business in our neighborhood owned by women. My daughter and I wrote letters thanking them being strong women role models. I wanted her to see that women leaders are all around us even if they are not currently reflected in the news media.

 The day of the March the three of us, my youngest sleeping in the baby carrier, passed out our notes to our neighbors. It was such a such fun experience! Some places were closed since the entire staff was at the march but the ones that were open were incredibly receptive to saying hello. Only one place was not inline with our political message but still more than happy to have a dialogue about women leaders.  If anything, we met some amazing women that day.

 My girls are too young to fully grasp what makes our current political atmosphere so divisive and we do shield them from some of the more negative speak on both sides. I don’t want them to feel scared or unsafe and at 3 years old our oldest can interpret information in ways we can’t predict.  While asking my kids to understand politics is not a priority right now, I do want them to grow up feeling that they have a powerful voice in country where women are valued and equality is the expectation.  I can’t believe they will be 7 and 4 at the end of this presidential term and I’m sure how we speak to them will change with time but hopefully small steps will lead to engaged citizens that will use their voice to continue to shape our country.

 

Reconnecting with My Former Self on the Other Side of the World

I spent my formative years traveling quite a bit. Driving across the country a handful of times, backpacking across foreign lands, even just moving to new cities. There is a part of my soul that is a traveler; it has been that way since I was young. I was born with a wanderlust trait, inherited from many family members that came before me.

Once I was pregnant and had twins, traveling the way I once had, ceased to continue. Flying with two infants is not exactly easy and with limited time off work, my air miles were filled flying to visit family members. So, buried deep under the many layers of being a new mom, my need to explore new places lay dormant.

The few trips away had always been for work, until this year when my best friend’s sister was getting married…in South Africa. To say I was torn was an understatement. To miss my dear friend’s wedding saddened me, on top of the fact that going to Africa has always been at the top of my travel bucket list.

My former self, the girl that spent three days on foot with the Hill tribes of Thailand, was in a proper battle with my current, mom-self. My parents generously offered to come out and stay with the boys and their dad would still be there, as he couldn’t take off work to come with me. I knew they would be fine, probably have the time of their lives being spoiled for a week by their grandparents.

But there were two things that prevented me from being able to let go. The first was letting go of control. I made almost every decision regarding the boys and to not be able to do such left me quite stressed. The second was being judged for being a crap mother for leaving her two toddlers to go across the world. This was not a trip to the Bahamas. It’s a full day’s travel to get to South Africa. Not easy to get back if there was an emergency.

Gratefully my husband and a couple dear friends, also moms, made me feel better about going on this trip. They spoke of using this time to get centered and also to show the boys that exploring new places is good for the soul.

In so many ways, traveling forces you to step outside of the small box in which you live. We can get caught up in the “must haves” of American life, and being in a new country will always re-ground you and help you re-establish the sense of gratefulness of the life you have back home. I want my boys to experience the education, excitement, adventure that travel brings and I am their example for doing so.

So I did it and spent a week in magic. It wasn’t easy being away, but I allowed myself to enjoy an incredible country, filled with incredible people. I reconnected with friends and made new ones. I also re-discovered that part of myself that is always looking at a map, wondering where to go next. It felt amazing.

 

 

 

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