It finally happened to us. I had read about it and heard stories about it from friends. It happened to my sister-in-law. Now, sadly, we are members of that group. The “my kid took a shit while taking a bathtub” club.
While it is no treat to clean crap out of the bathtub for anyone, I will declare that it is especially hard when you are alone and have twins, who also have a fit when it is time to get out of the bath.
Bathing two babies is no joke
It is stressful bathing two babies at the same time. These maniacs go crazy when they are in the tub. They literally splash and kick and roll around in the water as if they are in an Olympic sized pool and they are dolphins. Except they aren’t. They are two 18 month old babies, in a normal size tub that is slippery. I am constantly trying to make sure no one cracks their skull on the porcelain all the while getting soaking wet, because they think it is hysterical to splash as much as they can at the same time. There is a small towel on the counter next to me to wipe my eyes. I am not kidding.
Trying to get them both out of the tub, dry and out of the bathroom into their room so I can put on a diaper before they pee on the floor is no small feat. On this particular day I was sick with bronchitis, hadn’t slept in like a week and so desperate for their bedtime so I could take my medicine, which I didn’t take during the day because it made me drowsy and I need every bit of energy I have taking care of twins. Hence, the perfect day to shit in the bathtub.
The Moment It Happened
One of the babies was already out of the tub wrestling me out of his towel upset he is not still in the tub and trying to sit on my lap. But because one was still in the tub and I was nervous that he would stand up and slip. I was desperately trying to negotiate that he could sit on my lap after I got his brother out of the bath. “I don’t negotiate with hostages mama” was the look he gave me.
So with him hanging on my neck I reached down to get his brother out of the tub and immediately knew by the look on his face what had just transpired. The look read, “ I crapped in the bath and I don’t give a shit, no pun intended mummy.”
Motherhood is Degrading
Now I have been shit on many many times since I gave birth to these loves of my life a year and a half ago and it has been fine. It isn’t the best thing to happen to you but it has never been a huge deal. However, there is something seriously revolting seeing poop floating in your tub. I wanted to die.
Instead I had to try to get it out of the tub. If you have no experience with this, you have to wait for all the water to drain before removing the feces. While I waited for that to happen, I had one baby still crying for me to carry him, the other trying to climb back in the tub. Water was all over the floor due to their earlier splash off. And I hear myself trying to have a reasonable conversation with them about why mommy needs her hands now so please try to have some patience.
It Never Ends
After I cleaned IT out of the tub and flushed IT down the toilet I turned around to see both boys standing there watching themselves pee all over the bathroom floor. I mean….
No don’t step in it.” “No don’t touch it.” One of them usually freaks out, “it’s ok, it is just your pee, everybody pees.” “Let mommy put this towel down.” “Please everyone to their room.” It just goes on and on.
I finally get everyone diapered, dressed and I shut the bathroom door because I can’t clean anything while they are awake, as they will follow me back into the bathroom, which now looks like a tsunami hit it. Plus I don’t want them inhaling any cleaning products. Even after they have shit in my tub and peed all over my bathroom floor I am still worried about their health.
So when 7pm comes around, they are finally in bed. Normally I would eat my dinner, take my medicine and crash. Instead I grab the cleaning products, head into the bathroom and commence to scrubbing the tub,their toys and the floor all the while inhaling bathroom cleaning products into my already sickened bronchitis filled lungs. Another joy of motherhood.