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Food.

 I remember a day, in the not too distant past, if I was hungry, I would get up and make myself something to eat.  Usually pretty healthy too.  I had perfect this veggie sandwich, or a gorgeous salad with homemade dressing that was so, so good.  Sigh.  Those were the days. Now-a-days one of three things happen when I am hungry.  

Go For Broke

I go for broke and try to make myself something, usually very simple, like a bowl of cereal. Then I dare to sit at a table and eat.  %100 of the time, two little beings waddle over like ET and want to see what I am eating. Then stick their fingers in my food, sit on my lap and say over and over “that,” “that,” then look up at me with a huge smile and say “yes?”  

Without me agreeing, they brazenly just start grabbing my food and eating it as if I made if for them.  By the time the bowl is empty I have had maybe four bites.  

I am still hungry.  This also applies to food they usually won’t eat, like eggs.  If I make them eggs they throw it to the dog. But if I make myself eggs and attempt to ingest some protein, then they want them.

Eating Meals in Secret

I make the bowl of cereal and hide in the laundry room to eat it as fast as I can.  This is only accomplished if my husband is home, so there is someone to distract them from the 3 minutes I am not right by their side.  I don’t say a word and just jam spoonfuls of cereal in my mouth as if I am trying to win a food eating contest, which in some sad way I am.  

If I try this when I am home alone, I make regular appearances in the room they are playing. “Hey, mommy is just putting something in the trash.”  “Why don’t you play with your puzzle, mama is going to just put something away.”  But if I am too slow making sure they don’t think I am eating, within seconds they sniff me out then look at me with disgust that I am shoving food in my mouth in the laundry room.  

Don’t Wake A Sleeping Baby

I wait until they nap, then I can at least make something that has more depth, like a cheese sandwich.  I don’t have the energy to create anything that my body deems worthy of actually absorbing as nutritious.  But at least I can sit and eat.  It’s only the dog staring at me longingly but he doesn’t have thumbs so he can’t grab anything off my plate.  Unless I make the mistake of getting up to get a glass of water, then I’ve lost again.

Dinner? What is That?

Forget about dinner, at that point I am seriously wiped.  I have already made them a full meal because while I can eat nothing but carbs, these little Princes only eat fresh, organic, home-made meals.  That one is on me, I am sure they would be just as happy with the crap I eat these days, but I can’t do it.  Once they are in bed, many a night I am back to the cereal box.  At least I get the whole bowl this time.  

I am being slightly dramatic, on the week ends when my husband is home I do try to make dinner that we can all eat together, but even then they are not very keen on letting me have much.  There is a lot of up and down, negotiating who will eat what, giving them the tomato on my plate, which for some reason is different than the tomato on their plate.  When they are done their meal, my sliver of hope they will run off to play so I can get a couple more than 3 bites of food are usually squashed because they simply must sit on my lap and jam their little fingers into my plate as if to make sure I know who I am – their hostage and I only eat when permitted.

 

Any thoughts?