This is an email my husband sent me when I had to fly out-of-town unexpectedly one week-end in the midst of our potty training. I read it on the plane and nearly peed my own pants.
From Daddy’s Perspective
My wife has left me to watch my boys for three days. It’s men’s weekend! Kate has given me two pages of instructions ( of which I need ) and about three hours of verbal instructions ( useless since I could only listen to the first 15 minutes ).
Day One While Potty Training
Morning of day 1:
I’m feeling good. Breakfast went well. Both pee’d on time in their potties. ( did I mention that we’re potty training? ) Snacks went well. Time passes and it’s been awhile since they’ve pee’d and I’ve given both a cup of sparkling water. Atlas pee’s again but Kellan doesn’t have to.
We are getting ready to go outside; getting waters ready for me and the boys. I’m grabbing all the essentials for an hour outside ( staggering amount of crap ). I walk into the laundry room ready to put the waters in our travel bag and the world begins to fall from beneath me.
My left leg is sliding across the floor at an amazing speed. I try to balance but I quickly realize that I won’t be able to catch myself. My hands are full so I can’t grab anything. The right leg is fine so it stays behind wondering why I’ve decided to ice skate with my left foot. This all happens in slow motion. I assume that I’m going to die or at least get knocked out.
No One Will Find Me
I literally thought this to myself as I fell, “shit, who’s going to know?!? Who’s going to take care of my boys?!? It’ll be days before they find me.” I crash to the floor in pain.
I quickly take stock and realize that while my right leg is pretty close to touching my back and my left foot and right hip are throbbing, I’m ok. Then I notice that my entire right side is soaking wet. “KELLAN!!!! YOU HAVE TO GO IN THE POTTY!!!!” And the little bastard just smiles at me. Bruised ego and bruised hip and I’ve been pissed on again. Only 2 and 3/4 days to go.