Card Carrying Member Of The “My Kid Shit In The Bathtub Club”

twins in bathtub

It finally happened to us.  I had read about it and heard stories about it from friends. It happened to my sister-in-law. Now, sadly, we are members of that group.  The “my kid took a shit while taking a bathtub” club.  

While it is no treat to clean crap out of the bathtub for anyone, I will declare that it is especially hard when you are alone and have twins, who also have a fit when it is time to get out of the bath.

Bathing two babies is no joke

It is stressful bathing two babies at the same time. These maniacs go crazy when they are in the tub. They literally splash and kick and roll around in the water as if they are in an Olympic sized pool and they are dolphins.  Except they aren’t.  They are two 18 month old babies, in a normal size tub that is slippery.  I am constantly trying to make sure no one cracks their skull on the porcelain all the while getting soaking wet, because they think it is hysterical to splash as much as they can at the same time.  There is a small towel on the counter next to me to wipe my eyes.  I am not kidding.

Trying to get them both out of the tub, dry and out of the bathroom into their room so I can put on a diaper before they pee on the floor is no small feat.   On this particular day I was sick with bronchitis, hadn’t slept in like a week and so desperate for their bedtime so I could take my medicine, which I didn’t take during the day because it made me drowsy and I need every bit of energy I have taking care of twins.  Hence, the perfect day to shit in the bathtub.

The Moment It Happened

One of the babies was already out of the tub wrestling me out of his towel upset he is not still in the tub and trying to sit on my lap.  But because one was still in the tub and I was nervous that he would stand up and slip. I was desperately trying to negotiate that he could sit on my lap after I got his brother out of the bath.  “I don’t negotiate with hostages mama” was the look he gave me.  

So with him hanging on my neck I reached down to get his brother out of the tub and immediately knew by the look on his face what had just transpired.  The look read, “ I crapped in the bath and I don’t give a shit, no pun intended mummy.” 

Motherhood is Degrading

Now I have been shit on many many times since I gave birth to these loves of my life a year and a half ago and it has been fine.  It isn’t the best thing to happen to you but it has never been a huge deal.  However, there is something seriously revolting seeing poop floating in your tub.  I wanted to die.  

Instead I had to try to get it out of the tub. If you have no experience with this, you have to wait for all the water to drain before removing the feces.  While I waited for that to happen, I had one baby still crying for me to carry him, the other trying to climb back in the tub. Water was all over the floor due to their earlier splash off. And I hear myself trying to have a reasonable conversation with them about why mommy needs her hands now so please try to have some patience.  

It Never Ends

After I cleaned IT out of the tub and flushed IT down the toilet I turned around to see both boys standing there watching themselves pee all over the bathroom floor.  I mean….

No don’t step in it.” “No don’t touch it.”  One of them usually freaks out, “it’s ok, it is just your pee, everybody pees.” “Let mommy put this towel down.” “Please everyone to their room.” It just goes on and on.  

I finally get everyone diapered, dressed and I shut the bathroom door because I can’t clean anything while they are awake, as they will follow me back into the bathroom, which now looks like a tsunami hit it.  Plus I don’t want them inhaling any cleaning products. Even after they have shit in my tub and peed all over my bathroom floor I am still worried about their health.  

So when 7pm comes around, they are finally in bed.  Normally I would eat my dinner, take my medicine and crash. Instead I grab the cleaning products, head into the bathroom and commence to scrubbing the tub,their toys and the floor all the while inhaling bathroom cleaning products into my already sickened bronchitis filled lungs.   Another joy of motherhood.

Focus. Trying to Find the Balance Between Technology & Staying Present As A Parent

Two toddlers running

My phone broke last week.  Rather the camera broke.  It wouldn’t focus causing every picture to come out blurry unless I switched to rear facing, which was annoying.  I had to reverse the camera, then kind of stand-off to the side as I tried to direct it at what I wanted to capture.

Considering my muses are two active toddlers, I rarely got a picture off that didn’t include the top of my knee, the bottom of their feet, my fingers blurred across the image, them just having stepped out of frame or a seriously unflattering selfie.

It was highly frustrating and set me into a panic that I was not able to capture all these perfect moments.  How else was I going to remember the time they rode the scooter for the first time at the indoor playground, if I didn’t have the picture or video to look back on?

toddler at indoor play gym out of focus

Staying in Focus

As each day went by with no camera I began to notice that not taking their picture was freeing.  I just sat and watched them play. Or played with them without anxiously leaping up to grab my phone thinking “please don’t stop what you are doing so I can capture this moment.”  And I am sure it was a pleasant reprieve for them not having a camera in their face for a week.  

I missed a lot of moments that would have made a nice addition to my photo library but I also had a lot more moments of just being with my babes. Let’s face it, they aren’t going to be babies much longer.  This time is so fleeting, I want to enjoy being with them while they want to be with me too.  It won’t be long before they will be letting go of my hand and asking me to drop them off at the corner so they aren’t seen with me.

Please, I am beyond grateful that technology is where it is and they should be grateful too, my brothers and I were tortured on Christmas morning waiting for my dad to set up lights in order to use his camera before we got to see what Santa brought us.  My kids will never have to suffer that injustice.  

It also makes it easy for family to witness so many funny moments of the boys and family living far away.  It allows you to feel you are a part of their daily life even when you live far away.   Technology is great, but sitting with your twins on your lap and reading 15 books in a row is kind of better.

twins holding hands and walking out of focus

The End Result

In full disclosure I only lasted a week with no camera, I couldn’t go forever with out clear pictures of their stunning faces.  But I made a vow to not run to it every time something magnificent happens, rather just enjoy the moment.  

So for now, I need to find the balance.  Balance between capturing and simply observing.  When the time comes and they drop my hand, I am sure technology will have advanced even further. By then my phone will have a telephoto lens so I can shoot pictures of them from afar capturing all of their teenage life moments with no guilt because they don’t want to be seen with me anyways.





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