parenting

Turns Out I Am Not The Back to School Mom I Thought I Would Be

Twins going to schoolStaples used to run a commercial of a dad skipping through a store with two miserable children in tow, to the tune of “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”.  At the time, I remember thinking how mean it was. That was pre-kids. Pre-twins. And pre-spending a whole summer at home with two toddler. My tune has changed.

I always assumed I would be one of those moms who posted sad face emoji’s on my kids first day of school. Turns out I am not. Some of the other parents and I wondered if it was in poor taste to just drop our kids off and go. Instead of hanging out to make sure they were adjusting well. 

In my defense, this is their second year at their school. And because it is a co-op,  we did spend a good portion of the summer there helping to get ready for the upcoming year. So they are on familiar grounds.

Also in my defense, I spent practically every day with then this summer. EVERY DAY! We don’t live near family, so there was no one to take them for the day. We have no sitter who comes and watches them once a week so I can get anything at all done. It was just me and them, all day, every day, until Saturdays when my husband was off work. I truly think they were just as ready to get a break from me as I was them.

Don’t get me wrong. There was some sadness in today. After this year they will enter Elementary school and I know it will just fly from that point on. This last year of pre-school is the beginning of the end of being a toddler. Of being a weird, funny, anything can happen little person. And that almost kills me.

But today, that was not my focus. My focus is the three days a week that I don’t have to plan some sort of outing or adventure. Our summer was packed. My focus is the three hours a day I have to myself. With no one calling me, climbing on me, using my shirt as a napkin.  

So I too, as I walked away from their preschool, alone, quietly hummed the classic holiday tune,  “The Most Wonderful Time of The Year.”

Check out this Post: The Freedom To Be Whomever You Want

 

 

 

The Emotional Rollercoaster Called Parenting

Twins on way to Pre-school

Pre-School Days

Today we had the boys parent / teacher conference with their pre-school teacher. As my husband and I sat listening to their teacher talk about our boys, I began to get emotional. Here we are, almost at the end of their first year of pre-school and they are thriving. It seems like yesterday I was panicking about their first day. 

I remember in the early days, looking at my newborn twins and wondering what they would look like at this age. What would their personalities be like? It all seemed so far off.

The Early Days

Being a new mom, to twins, with no family close by. And a husband whose work schedule, basically left me single parenting it Monday Friday. There were days I wished the time away. I wanted it to get easier. Wanted the grueling feeding schedule to end. I wanted to be able to go places. Then go places with ease. I had moments when I wanted the bottles, puree foods and diapers to go away. The days when they couldn’t speak and I had no idea what they wanted. There were so many days I was so grateful were over.

Those yearly months were so hard, and the future seemed impossible to reach. Yet here we are. Finishing up their first year of school. Now I have guilt of wishing some of those early days away. Had I really understood how fast this would go, would I change it? Maybe? I don’t know.

When I got home from our meeting with their teacher, all of these thoughts were spinning in my head. Along with utter pride at how well the boys are doing. I sat in the yard and cried for the time that flew by and the time that will fly past. And made a promise to not wish away any days again, because before I know it, we will be at their last high school parent /  teacher conference.

4 HOURS LATER….

It is 3pm and I have broken my own promise. My precious angels who are the darlings of their pre-school class, have morphed into evil little anarchists. After about 5 fights, 3 hitting episodes, a whining marathon and every toy taken out, I am desperate for this day to end.

Bedtime cannot come fast enough. I am thinking of putting them to bed a half hour early just so I don’t have to deal with them. Gone is the sentimentality of years gone by. Hello to the realization that parenting twins is like walking a tight rope, at any moment a gust of twin wind will push you off.

I have some guilt that I can’t wait for today to be over. Especially given my tear filled pact to the universe only hours earlier.  But I also have to be realistic. Parenting makes you a crazy person. You are crying because you love your babies more than life itself and want to inhale every bit of their baby / toddlerness. Or you are crying because two 3 year olds can knock me to my knees in an instant. Leaving me wondering, if I am actually a capable adult and realizing I have no control over anything.

I guess I just have to accept that parenting is an emotional rollercoaster. You will be screaming with excitement and joy, relishing in the fun. Than in instant later, break down at the top of the hill and leave you sitting there for hours, waiting for someone to rescue you.

 

 

 

%d bloggers like this: